As you may know, I'm from California, and California is known well for not only homosexuals and marajuana, but for our fried foods, especially around fair time. And we better be, you know, because if we weren't, all the stoned gay guys around here wouldn't have a cure for the munchies. There are no White Castles here, after all.
Normally, deep-frying is left almost entirely to professionals, probably because of all the scalding hot grease. However, Kerry's Mom's birthday had come up recently, and a late-night expidition to our local retail outlet lead to the purchase of this gift:
Kerry's Mom did actually seem to enjoy it a great deal, but that's not important. What is important is that we got to play with it.
For our frying excursion we purchased many items to experiment with. For our batter-dip we used the same stuff used on the (in)famous fried Oreos, pancake batter.
Fried Object #1: Beef Stick
The batter had poor adherance to the jerky stick. I found it gross. The other folk seemed to go for it; perhaps it's the maple flavoring. It gets a 7.
Fried Object #2: Pizza
I was psyched for this one. It was perhaps a bit too ambitious to improve pizza, but how could we not try? However, all attempts at battering obliterated the toppings, and in the end, we were left with naught but disappointment. F--
Fried Object #3: Little Debbie Fudge Rounds
This Little Debbie snack treat turned out very well. Apparently, cookie and cake type items, like Twinkies and Oreos, benefit greatly as a group from a good batter-dip-deep-frying. It gets SnackyCakeityNine%
Fried Object #4: Cotton Candy
I had to. First off, I must mention that this dollar store bagged cotton candy is actually pretty tasty. That's what makes this a waste:
Turns out cotton candy cannot be batter-dipped. It just melted. We cooked with this batter for a little bit, but it did not yield candy-flavored batter. Not to be detered, later on I did this:
Jamming cotton candy directly into the deep fryer was effective. That is, effective in creating a solid rock of greasy sugar (and a bit of a mess), the taste of which, obviously, was not entirely pleasant. It gets Four Angry Dentists
Fried Object #5-7: Cheese, Mini-Donut, a Cracker
We fried some other stuff which either didn't turn out or was so-so. These have been Disqualified by ze French Judge
Fried Object #8-9: Rolo and Plain Caramel
Ladies and gentlemen, I was afraid that perhaps my deep-fryery would be for naught. However, my project was saved by caramels, and caramel's sexy chocolate cousin, Rolo. (By the way, someone, name your kid Rolo.) Their rating:
Yes, it's that damn good. I mean, damn. It's all the joy of caramel without having it stuck to your teeth and with the bonus goodness of greasy deep-fry dough. If you need me, I'll be lurking about Kerry's house with a fat sack of Brach's.
P.S. The deep fryer we picked up (pictured up top) was pretty damn cool and a mere (don't read this Kerry's Mom) $30. And, really, can you put a price on tastiness and a future of heart disease? Of course you can. It's only thirty bucks. That's what's so cool.